Liebe Lucy,
I picked up my AS Level results today. I had my sights set very high so it was inevitable that I would be at least a little bit disappointed. But weirdly, I'm not.
I was hoping for all A's but specifically, an A in history. I didn't get that. I got B's which, yes okay they're the next best thing to A's but they're not quite as good or as impressive. I'd hoped that I'd get at least that one A in history.
But when I opened that envelope and looked at the sheet of paper with B's on it I didn't feel disappointed, sad or annoyed like I expected. I didn't feel anything. I have no idea why because I was incredibly nervous on the way to go and pick up my results and all through the exam season. It's almost like I put so much emotion into every moment leading up to reading that piece of paper that when I read it I didn't have any emotion left to give it.
Taylor Swift once said 'I'm intimidated by the fear of being average' and that pretty much sums up my obsession with A's when it comes to exam results. I don't want to be average, I want to stand out. I want to be the person that everyone's talking about saying 'oh my goodness did you hear how well Lucy did?!' but I found out today that it really does not matter if you're average. Average is a perfectly good, healthy thing to be a lot of the time.
Lucy x
I can really relate to this. I needed an A in history for my university offer, and had always been one of those people that wanted to do the best that I could. Like you, I really wanted 3 A's. I got AAB, with the B in history. Yet really wasn't as disappointed as I thought I would be. In the two hours before UCAS opened, I'd decided I hadn't got into Uni, and started dreaming up gap year ideas. In the end it turned out I did get in, but one deferred entry, a gap year, and my first year of Uni later, I think that getting that B was a really great thing for me. Despite my panicking that I wouldn't be cut out for History at university, I did fine in my first year. I've also stopped putting so much pressure on myself, and released there's so so much more to life than my exam results. They really aren't my defining feature, and I'm pretty happy with that. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment. It's very different hearing from someone who's actually been through it with the same subject etc. I'm really glad everything worked out for you in the end and thank you for reminding me that it'll all be fine in the end :)
DeleteThat's okay :) good luck! I'm sure it will all work out fine :)
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