Missing People

Liebe Lucy,

It's that time of year again, the worst part of summer. My cousins and aunt have flown back home to New Zealand after being home for 6 weeks meaning I'm far too aware of the fact I won't see them for a year at least.

As we drove home from our afternoon at the park on our last full day together for the year, my 3 year old cousin turned to me and very seriously asked 'will you miss me?'. She later asked her mum 'can we come back later?'. There's something adorable but heart breaking about the age she is now in that she understands missing people but not quite why she has to feel like that. It had to be explained to her that they couldn't come back later because it was too far away and that's why they had to go on lots of different aeroplanes to get to us.

I'm going to miss my two cousins incredibly in the year it will be until I see them but I'm still happy for the time spent with them this year. The last time I saw them the three of us raced toy snails and sang Frozen songs together and those memories, hopefully, will be enough to keep me going until next summer.

Lucy x

Potential

Liebe Lucy,

A few days ago I had a cuppa and a catch up with one of my closest friends whom I don't see nearly enough. This friend is incredibly intelligent and a conversation arose where she said if she felt she could, she'd love to be a professional chef and open a cake shop selling top of the range cakes. She said the reason she didn't feel she could do this is that she would feeling like she was wasting her academic potential.

But this got me thinking. Do we always need to fulfill our potential? I talk a lot about potential, especially when it comes to academics. I've always been the type of person who aims for the top grade and puts as much energy as possible into achieving it because I know I'd hate to look back on this time in a few years and think I didn't fulfill my potential. But would that be so bad?

What if I didn't fulfill my academic potential but instead went on to do something I loved more than anything? Something that has nothing to do with any of the subjects I study in school. Would that still be a waste of potential? And what constitutes a 'waste'? Is it not achieving what you are capable of regardless of the circumstances or is it only a waste when the person themselves is unhappy with their performance?

Ultimately, I think my conclusion is that, for me, it would only be a waste of potential if I was unhappy with myself and never found another route. I think if that incredibly intelligent friend decided that she didn't want to go to university and wanted to follow the love that she has, it would not be a waste because it would make her happy.

What do you think?

Lucy x

Feeling Nothing

Liebe Lucy,

I picked up my AS Level results today. I had my sights set very high so it was inevitable that I would be at least a little bit disappointed. But weirdly, I'm not.

I was hoping for all A's but specifically, an A in history. I didn't get that. I got B's which, yes okay they're the next best thing to A's but they're not quite as good or as impressive. I'd hoped that I'd get at least that one A in history.

But when I opened that envelope and looked at the sheet of paper with B's on it I didn't feel disappointed, sad or annoyed like I expected. I didn't feel anything. I have no idea why because I was incredibly nervous on the way to go and pick up my results and all through the exam season. It's almost like I put so much emotion into every moment leading up to reading that piece of paper that when I read it I didn't have any emotion left to give it.

Taylor Swift once said 'I'm intimidated by the fear of being average' and that pretty much sums up my obsession with A's when it comes to exam results. I don't want to be average, I want to stand out. I want to be the person that everyone's talking about saying 'oh my goodness did you hear how well Lucy did?!' but I found out today that it really does not matter if you're average. Average is a perfectly good, healthy thing to be a lot of the time.

Lucy x

Tiny Hands

A family football game while in West Wales

Liebe Lucy,

Two of the days last week were spent in the same caravan park my Nan used to take my brother and me too for a week in the summer holidays when we were younger, only this time, I was not the child in the situation. Family from New Zealand are here in the UK visiting as they do every summer and, as with every summer, I feel even closer to them now than I did last year. This is their second holiday within a holiday and although this time I am not there with them the whole time, as I was a few weeks ago for our trip to West Wales, the few days I have spent with them made all the difference.

My 7 year old cousin wants to spend all his time either body boarding in the sea, a love of his we discovered while at the beach last year, or playing on the 2p machines in the amusement park. He doesn't seem to care how cold the sea is, if he can body board he is happy. Although he's possibly the quietest of all my cousins, he is still happy to have a conversation and he's old enough now that that is possible. He is also old enough to enjoy listening to conversations between other family members, as I remember doing at his age.

My 3 year old cousin, the youngest in the whole family, is still as cute as always. Her love for Peppa Pig is still as strong as it was last year and she shares my own love for Frozen. Every now and then she tells me I'm her best friend and although she often changes her mind within the hour, there's something really lovely about a 3 year old saying you're her best friend. Recently she's started holding my hand without someone telling her she needs to. If we go out for a walk anywhere you can pretty much count on the fact that at some point she will wander over and take my hand to hold it as we walk, meaning we've had quite a few funny little conversations between the two of us.

The fact that in a week I won't be able to hold those tiny hands because they'll be on the other side of the world makes me so sad but at the same time I feel so lucky to be able to spend this time with my cousins. Yes it's frustrating that for 11 months of the year the only way I can see their faces is through photos on Facebook and late night facetime calls but at least that one month where I can see them whenever I want exists. That one month makes up for the 11 others.

Lucy x

Taking A Leap of Faith

Liebe Lucy,

You just realised that 3 years ago last Sunday you uploaded a video to YouTube before you went out shopping with your mum on a whim thinking no one, least of all your friends, would ever find it. 3 years later you still remember the exact moment you received a message from a family friend two years older than you who had somehow found it and posted it to your facebook wall saying 'is this you? Did you write this?' knowing full well the answer to both questions was 'yes'.

What you didn't realise at the time was what a difference that spur of the moment decision on August 3rd 2011 would make. Uploading 'Song For You' started a long journey for you. You went from being a 14 year old girl who wrote songs secretly in her bedroom because she really loved Taylor Swift and wanted to be just like her to someone who realised that actually maybe you could make something of this whole music thing.

You quickly switched YouTube channels to one that was just simply your name to make you seem more professional and since then your videos have been watched more than 12,510 times, adding both channels together. But it did more than that. Uploading that video 3 years ago showed yourself as well as everyone around you that you wanted to be serious about music. You went from a girl who only ever sang in musicals, and even then not very often due to people telling you that you weren't good enough, to a girl who, now three years later, plays gigs on her own, accompanying herself, and getting paid for it. You've taught yourself 3 new instruments, spent a ridiculous amount of money on them and, most importantly, really realised how much you love music. So much so, without it you would be a totally different person.

Past Lucy, if you could see what you're doing today you'd be so proud. If you could see yourself going on a songwriting course run by someone who's worked with Ed Sheeran since he was 17, ironically the age you are now, where you were surrounded by truly incredible people who were so talented you were incredibly inspired by them you wouldn't believe it. Or if you saw yourself up there on stage doing what you love and getting paid for it you'd probably cry with happiness.

You've still got a long way to go with confidence in your music and I hope future Lucy is listening and lets us know how things progress in another year or two. Realising your past self would be incredibly proud of you makes you really realise what's important.

So, past Lucy, I'm glad I've made you proud and I hope I continue to do so. And I'm proud of you for taking that leap of faith in uploading that first video. Without it I honestly don't know who I would be today.

Lucy x

Dear August

Dear August,

I was just starting to enjoy July when it left. Just when beach days and family time were beginning to become a regular thing in contrast to the 2 weeks of sitting at home alone allowing myself to recover from the incredibly busy academic year I've just completed, July had to go without so much as a good bye.

I hope you'll continue the work July started, August, but I also hope you bring with you your own adventures. Adventures I can't imagine right now. Nothing particularly fancy, I'm not brave enough to go on any adventures that are too outrageous, but small, day to day adventures. The type that aren't appreciated until they're in the past. That's the kind of adventures I love the most, August.

So, August, I'm looking forward to see what you bring with you. Although I can't help but think I shouldn't think of this as July has left and you've suddenly appeared, because time doesn't really split that easily, does it? I know looking back in a few months I will not remember which memories I share with July and which memories I share with you, August, but just the memories that were created.

Here's to what's the come, August.

Liebe Lucy x